Dancing with the crews
by ewab
Summary: The deadliest catch Crew's are invited to compete in Dancing with the stars. get ready to rumble. All in good fun.


Disclaimer I dont own anything not Deadliest catch or dancing with the stars.

I also dont dance myself, so lots of crazy stuff.

all the unnamed characters I made up, the ladies with names are real persons who asked to be written in.

EwaB

Dancing with the Crews.

"Okay guys. Five minutes until the line dance part. Get your boots and cowboy hats on.  
No Phil, you don't have to close your shirt up to the last button. Leave it open."

"I am showing my bellybutton, this is ridiculous."

The lady doing the dressing gets out her scissors and cuts of the buttons of all the shirts. No closed shirts just tuck the lower parts into your jeans and that is it.

Edgar is trying to get his very tight jeans closed by jumping up and down. Even the thought of tucking his shirt in makes him hyperventilate; there isn't enough room in those jeans even now.

Sig moves in to close the zipper, but Edgar decides he is saver in the hands of Jake Anderson, so he tries to swipe away Sig's hands and it turns into a tug of war with Edgar's jeans button as rope.  
In the mean time Jake Anderson hardly dares to move out of fear of ripping his jeans.

The set director gets behind the scenes again.

"Okay the guys with lots of hair on their chest stand in front"

There is a lot of shuffling and pushing while everybody is trying to stand in the back.

So the set director is stepping in and just appointing places.

"IN the front row are: Edgar, Norman and Sig Hansen, Keith and Monty Coburn, Lynn, Crosby, Josh and Jake Harris, Jake Anderson, Matt Bradley and Russel, and Andy Hillstrand too, you really are a cowboy. Like the boots by the way."

Jake and Josh Harris, Lynn, Crosby and Jake Anderson are objecting. Showing off their really pretty hairless chest.

"We aren't hairy, why do we have to be in front?"

It is supposed to be a dignified protest but it sounds dangerously close to whining.

"Because you are younger and agile, the older ones will have more camera time in the waltz and foxtrot. Now get"

The set director is leaving out the most important one. Because you are eye Candy and we are aiming at the female part of the market.

The Music starts and with some more angry muttering the First row gets out and starts dancing.

There is some sibling rivalry going on alright.

Monty and Keith both want to get the spotlight, and so they are in danger of pushing each other from the podium in their fight to be on the First row.

Sig and Edgar seem to be conspire ring to get Norman up front, and Norman is doing all he can to stay in the back or at least the side.

Jake and Josh just don't care and they resemble a couple of Young horses playing in a field on the First nice spring day.

All in all the carefully laid out choreographies is out of the window within five seconds. But the audience is loving it.

Especially when Jake Anderson rips his jeans while bending over to pick up Norman after a very nasty push from Edgar.

Jake and Norman are trying to make an stealthy exit to the left of the stage. Only to bump into John and Nick Mavar. And those two aren't happy. They do have hairy chests and are insulted for being on the second row. It is so unfair to let the youngsters get the front stage. In their anger they completely forgot that just five minutes earlier they where fighting to stay in the back.

So they grab their young cousin by the armpits and drag him onto stage again, making it to the front row where they start to dance in a energetic fashion, even keeping the choreography in mind. And poor Jake just hangs there with his feet not even touching the ground trying to keep some kind of dignity. Not that it is working for him. He shouldn't have worn red underwear.

The others also make it on stage. And now it really is pure madness.

Keith and Monty both have taken of their shirts and are swirling it above their heads trying to upstage the other one. So the two remaining Hansen brothers have to do better. Or at least the same.

Ding and Dong are stampeding around the stage and even heading for the audience, looking for a dancing partner of the female persuasion.

Johnathan Hillstrand is doing some sort of pole dancing act with Phil Harris as a rather unwilling pole. The show is fast become very un family oriented.

The set director is starting to hyperventilate and decides to shut of the lights and lower the curtain. Hoping to keep everybody on the stage.

No more Crown Royal for the Hillstrands or Harrisses before the show. That much is certain.

It had been decided that Phil Harris from the Cornelia Marie, Keith Coburn and Lenny from the Wizard, Eddie from the Time Bandit and Norman Hansen from the North Western are to dance the English waltz. Only there is a problem, it seems Phil is violently allergic for ostrich feathers and goose down. And everybody knows that those two things are essential elements to the ladies garment in the English waltz.

So Phil swaps places with Sig Hansen who was scheduled to do the Tango. The other Tango dancers are Josh Harris, Jake Anderson, Shea from the Time Bandit and Crosby Lavene from the Wizard.

So the carefully laid out one or two dancers per boat is out of the window too, but at least the show will go on.

The passo doblo is for Johnathan Hillstrand, Lynn and Monty from the Wizard. Jake Harris and Edgar Hansen.

Only there are more problems than just the dividing of the male dancers. There also is a slight problem with the girls.

It is clear that the Captains are entitled to the real dancers who have done the show before. But there are a lot of guys this time, so a bunch of female partners are found in strange places.

And the partnering of isn't always understandable.

Jake Harris who is without comment one of the smaller ones, is partnered with a lady who could have been an Olympic heavy weight champion from former eastern Europe. So don't expect any lifts from him. he might be the one that goes in a hip swing.

Travis from the Wizard, one of the bigger guys is partnered with a small, almost tiny lady. And even with her wearing heels so high it is a wonder she doesn't break her ankles Travis has trouble getting his hand on her waist. So he is dancing stooped over. Not very elegant during the quick step.

But the Tango and Passodoblo are first up. And the dancers are waiting in the wings before going on. First up are Josh Harris and his partner. And wow does Josh look smoking in that black shine and skin-tight outfit. His shirt seems molded to his chest and is open to his waist.

The lady looks hot too in a skimpy red dress.

Once on the dance floor it becomes clear that Josh has unforeseen talents. Because it is amazing.

Phil is watching and just has to ask his partner if it is a family show. Because this is sex's on the dance floor alright.

When he looks at his partner his eyes also fall on Johnathan. And he forgets his question, his mouth just falls open and he is staring at a sight alright.

Phil is wearing a similar outfit as Josh, if under protest. And he really thought he was of worse of all. After having seen the tuxedo he was supposed to wear during the Waltz.

But now he sees Johnathan he is happy with his black outfit even if it is two sizes to small.

Johnathan is wearing white with many coloured ruffles on the sleeves and the bottom of his trousers. But that isn't the worst. That is his skin colour.

Phil moves over and opens Johnathans shirt a bit more. And Johnathan is clearly not amused.

"Mate. You look like a carrot."

And looking at Johnathans partner Phil really starts laughing.

"Matching carrots."

The girl is trying to keep her waterproof mascara from running but it isn't working.

The set director hears the laughter and comes to look. And starts hyperventilating again. Screaming in to his headset he is barking orders to the lighting and camera techs to use filters in the hope of making those two matching carrots less orange.

Josh manages to end his Tango with a beautiful dip, and the audience is going crazy. The judges liked it too so it is straight 10's all around. Josh is in the next round. And proud as can be.  
He also isn't beyond gloating in front of his dad who still has to dance.

But someone in all of his or her wisdom has decided to alternate dances so now it is time for a passo doble and next up are Johnathan and matching carrot, who is also quickly starting to resemble a raccoon. Her mascara has given up on not running with all the tears flooding down her face.  
The set director is still hyperventilating but managed to bark out some orders and the lighting becomes orange too, so it now looks like they are dancing in orange outfits, but the skin color is less obvious.

The set director actually wanted black light, but the tech guy said that that was impossible because the white part of the outfits would become see through, and that would be a bit to un family show like.

But the dance is going okay, not as steamy as Josh his tango but acceptable. And Johnathan is allowed off stage with an 8 average. Pretty good for a carrot.

Next up are Phil and partner. And Phil was about to attack his son for gloating. He knows he isn't as agile as Josh anymore, so he needs something else, only he wasn't all that fanatical during practice. But now he wants no he has to win. Or at least beat Josh, and Jake too but that is going to be easy, Phil has seen his partner.

Phil enters the stage and decides to forget most parts of the carefully studied choreography and go for his own steamy number. And by the end of the "show" his partner is beet red and rather out of breath, but the audience is just as enthusiastic as they had been for Josh. The judges are less impressed.  
There is some argument, according to one, the tango is sex's camouflaged as dancing, according to the other three it is supposed to be a dance and nothing more.  
Clearly the audience agrees with the first judge and Phil gets two tens and three sixes.  
Not as good as his kid but good enough he it into the next round too.

Next up is Brian from the Early Dawn. He pulled some strings with his dad and is now once again a crewmember.  
Only what is his partner wearing, are those really wooden shoes stuffed with cotton wool? Okay they are painted black but what is going on.  
Ouch. Yeah that would have hurt if she had been wearing normal shoes. Bonk, maybe shin protectors would have been wise too.  
Crash… And a helmet. Smack. With face protector.  
SLAP, Bonk, Crash, WHACK.  
Okay this isn't dancing this is revenge. Poor Brian, he isn't wearing any kind of protection. But on a positive note, he wont be going fishing next season either. Not with two broken arms.

The audience is loving it. Chanting thing like, Blood, Kill and other not so nice things. This is more like a cage fight than a passo doble  
The Set director is hyperventilating again, and barking orders, the stage goes black and ssecurity moves in to save Brian.  
Somehow the girl is gone, leaving only two black painted wooden shoes with blood stained cotton wool.

First things first, Deana has to get thru a meeting with the makers of the show. They have some questions to ask, because they are not risking an other feather incident.

"So, you would like to dance with Captain Phil?"

"YES,YES,YES."

Okay that hurdle has been taken in a save way.

"You know that his former partner quite because he was a…. well……….a hu…."

His not so shy partner fills in the blanks.

"He groped the girl by the ass and she didn't like it. Would you mind?"

"NO,NO,NO."

"You only have to say it once, we get the idea. But something else, would you mind NOT wearing Feathers, of any kind?"

This got them a puzzled look. Feathers?

"No but why?"

"Phil is allergic to them, he had an anaphylactic reaction to them last time."

"Well I am a nurse so I know what to do if ever anything like that happened again."

That was the deal clincher. Deana was in as a dancer. So now to meeting her victim, sorry, dance partner.

And because they hadn't had time to practise the next dance they would get a wildcard for this one. Meaning that they couldn't be voted into the dance off next week.

So next morning early Deana is at the dance studio to meet Phil. She is a nervous wreck, fidgeting with her skirt. Phil isn't in a much better mood. His last partner tried to kill him by showing up in hospital covered in feathers. It was a good thing he was at a ventilator at the time.

But once Deana enters the room Phil sighs with relieve, this is a real woman, not some beanstalk on high heels. But someone he can hold on to. That was the problem with the last one. To skinny, he had nothing to hold onto and that woman thought he was groping, there was nothing to grope?

There is some small talk and a quick dash across the room and then it is time to get ready for the show.

SHOW TIME:

First up Josh Harris, and he is nailing it again. So perfect scores all around.

Next up Jake Harris, and now he has a partner that is the right size he is smoking too. It seems the Harris boys both know how to shake that booty.

So perfect scores for Jake too.

Travis isn't doing so well. So dance off for him.

Next up Phil and new partner. It is a strange sight after the relative youngsters with their skinny partners to see some normally proportioned people on the dance floor. But they look good together. And the dancing? Well it isn't according to the rules.

Phil tries half heartedly for about two times to get Deana's hand on his shoulder.

But the first time he manages to get it up to his elbow when her hand just 'slips of' and lands on his ass again, and not closed just laying there. No, open handed and squeezing. The second time it doesn't even get that far.

And he had seen that this was one of those dances where you didn't really have contact. Only that isn't working either. Because that hand on his bud is clearly pulling him close. Not that he minds.

So for once the audience gets the kind of dance they could do themselves. Close shuffling across the dance floor, almost following the music.

When the judges have to give their opinion, it is rather divided again. The first liked it. But than that isn't a professional dancer. The other three are not amused, because they cant even send Phil and Deana to the dance of. And the audience, well they loved it. So even with three judges against, they would have had enough points to get thru anyway.

But during the judging there also is a bit of a commotion. Phil is looking red in the face and rather short of breath and he is holding on to Deana as if looking for support. Keeping her in front of him instead of beside him.

So the set director suspects the worst and jumps onto the stage with the adrenaline syringe.

Deana in the mean time is pretty sure that Phil is not going into shock because she can feel the physical, no… physiological, no also not the right term, anatomical evidence in her back that Phil isn't going into shock.

When Phil sees the set director coming his way with the needle he takes Deana by the hips and steers her of the stage in a trot, even if it is a bit stiff in the knees.

The second group dance is line dancing again. And because the last time didn't really go that great. ( and that is an understatement) they now do the same choreography, but with a different theme.

Or different, it still is the lumberjack theme, but now summer time lumberjack.

In the main dressing room it is a mad house again. The dresser seemed to like the summertime lumberjack theme and went a bit berserk with her scissors. Why buy new costumes if you can adjust the old ones, right?

So she took the costumes of the first group dance, the skin tight blue jeans and tartan flannel lumberjack shirts and just cut of the legs, a bit far it seems, they now resemble hot pants. And the sleeves of the shirts to display the skin………………..art. of course, what else.

And because she had to spend a lot of time on making the edges look torn and worn she didn't really have time to mend Jake Anderson's his hot pants so she in the process of putting in a few stiches while the others get dressed, and unfortunately for him in jeans coloured single strand embroidery silk.

So Jake Anderson has locked himself in the toilet waiting for his 'shorts'

The others are standing in the dressing room observing each other. For the moment they are fooling around, but inside they are just a bit nervous. Do the producers really want them to go on stage like this. They look like a bunch of would be village people impersonators.

Badly coordinated by the way, because they all wanted to be the lumberjack.

Jake Anderson is still waiting for his 'shorts' when he hears somebody come into the toilet and use a stapler. A Stapler?

Yes it is Sig Hansen. He came prepared and is now stapling his shirt closed.

Jake starts screaming and begging for the stapler.

"Sig, Please, I've looked like a one man Chippendale show this entire thing. PLEASE let me hold the stapler? Just for a minute? PLEASE SIG? "

Only Sig wont be swayed. He is even taking a wicked pleasure in Jake's pleading.

Only the others hear Jake saying the magic word of stapler and now they storm the toilet to get it from Sig. And Sig throws it out of the window. He now is the only one with a shirt that is closed up front and not showing of his belly.

And he really is doing it like a little kid.

"NA NA NANANA. That happens if your not prepared. And I am, NA NA NANANA."

The others are ready for some serious damage but Sig is saved by the set director.

"Okay, everybody too the stage, NOW."

He is getting the hang of it. Impressive.

On the way to the set Norman is right behind his bigger and older brother Sig going up the stairs. And with these hot pants Norman sees something he never noticed before.

The soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs on Sig his legs. And he just has to touch them. So Norman softly runs his hand over the back of Sig his thigh.

Sig almost falls down the stairs in his hurry to get away. Only to late. His youngest brother has noticed and now also is intrigued by those soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs on Sig his thigh's. He just has to feel them and Sig's knees are within easy reach so Edgar runs his hand over Sig his knee.

Sig is now jumping around back stage slapping away Edgar his hand.

Slap "leave me alone" Slap………..slap.

It now becomes clear to the others what is going on. And they join in, going after Sig his soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs. And Sig is just jumping and turning and slapping away hands trying to keep his dignity.

Slap. "NO. Don't" Slap "Leave" slap "ME" slap "ALONE" slap "Don't" slap "touch" slap "ME"

Whack "YOU WORK FOR ME YOU IDIOT" Whack.

Matt gets the idea and keeps his distance, but the few that hadn't joined in yet now get in with a vengeance pretty much chanting.

"WE DON'T WE DON'T "

Keith apparently is even more kinky then the others. He want to feel the softest of the softest and goes for the soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs on the inside of Sig his thigh's.

"ARGHHH DON'T" Whack. And there goes Keith on his back over the stage.

The presenter is a real pro and doesn't miss a beat.

"HERE ARE THE DANCERS, GIVE THEM A BIG WELCOME"

And the set director pulls up the curtains to a very weird scene. A whole bunch of crab fishermen scrambling to get into position.

Jake Anderson finally has gotten his 'shorts' and even managed to wriggle himself into them and made it up just in time for the music to start.

( now use your imagination, listen to the music of the monty python show I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay and see the guys in their 'beautiful' costumes dancing.)

.Most dance without listening to the lyrics and make it through no problem, others do listen and go "What the F". And at the "Just like my dear mama" in the end part they all have to turn around and bend over. Jake Anderson rips his pants again, and this time it is soft pink with yellow speck's, two camera men zoom in and it is put on TV in split screen. It is Belle from Beauty and the beast. No beast just Belle in her Yellow ball gown.

The Disney theme continues still, but couldn't he have gone for something a bit more 'masculine'?

Jake ripping his pants is the signal for the others to go for Sig his soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs. And Sig goes down screaming and fighting, trying to preserve his physical integrity. But he is loosing pitifully.

By the time the set director has done hyperventilating and starts barking orders again the carnage on stage is extreme. Sig it seems knows how to defend himself, even if it is a losing battle against so many. He sure is doing some damage.

But the curtains fall and the lights dim. Some awful elevator music starts playing that sends the audience running for the doors.

And with some help from the friendly security guards peace is restored. Although the next dancing schedule has to be rearranged a bit it seems.

Sig refuses to go anywhere near his brothers.  
Or no that isn't really it. He would love to get near his brothers. To strangle them in a slow and painful way.

Only when the organizers get everybody together the next day it seems all problems are solved.  
And a few new ones have arisen.

Edgar, Norman and Keith are sporting black eyes. So they will have to dance in zorro like masks.  
It is up to the dresser to get those ready. And the dance to go with it, is going to be the flamenco.

Johnathan is a natural colour again, only his partner still is rather yellow. And after some tests it turns out she has a liver malfunction due to a viral infection. So she is on bed rest for three weeks minimum. Of course Johnathan, always the gentlemen, offered to join her. But the doctor veto-ed that because if that was the case, not much rest would be had.

Not the organizers have actually only one big problem left, or so they thought.  
Only Jake Andersons partner also decided to quit, having had it with his exhibitionistic ways.  
And Sig has had a big fight with his wife over his partners so he has requested an other girl to dance with. And his wife has to agree to her.

It is time for some drastic measures. Because where o where are they going to find three more dancers.

While the organizers and set director are trying their very very best to find more dancers by doing something resembling a phone marathon a soft knock is heard.

"Come in."

Deana first sticks her head around the corner, ready to retreat in a hurry if necessary.  
One of the organizers slams the phone receiver down in disgust, again no dancers unless he is willing to go for a 12 year old girls.

"What?"

he barks at Deana.

"Well I might know of a way to find a bunch of women willing and able to dance with all of the guys."

"WHAT??"

She has the attention of the entire room now.

"HOW, WHO, WHERE???"  
it comes from all sides.

It seems they are interested, so Deana tells them of this lively internet forum dedicated to her favourite captain, and how there are undoubtedly women there willing to dance or grope the other guy's.

"Fine, put out a bolo and get them over here. We need partners for Sig, Norman, Johnathan and Jake Anderson right now.

And get some in reserve for the others? Please??"

This organizer sees potential problems arising with all his male "stars".

This time it is almost as easily said as done. So within 24 hours three apprehensive but eager crab fishermen are waiting to be introduced to their new female partners.  
Hoping for something a bit more like Phil his partner instead of those skinny muscular types. Sure they look good, but they feel less pleasing when holding them close.

And they are in luck.

First into the room is a very Young lady going by the nickname of Ninja Crab. She is going to be partnering Sig. since she is about the same age as his eldest daughter his wife agrees. Only Sig cant help it, he feels naked when her eyes run over him. But there is nothing he can do, so Ninja crab it is.

Norman is still sporting two black eyes and so having trouble seeing anything but his partner is a lovely lady going by the nickname of RhondaK. She sounds like a hottie, so he is agreeable.

Johnathan enters and is nearly thrown of his feet by this rather fluffy lady who is going in for a bear hug. Not that he is complaining. He is just a bit worried about the dips and swings.

Jake Anderson is the last one to meet his new partner. He had to wait a bit longer because she had to fly in from the Netherlands.

A lovely looking girl with lots of curly hair. And a delightful accent. Jake is counting his lucky stars, there must be plenty around for him. Only that name? he is going to have some problems with it.  
Aidentamara?

"Is it okay to shorten it to Aiden? Even if that is more of a boys name?"

he asks shyly, and as far as she is concerned everything is fine. Just to keep him talking.

Next morning it is time to dance again.  
The organizer in all his wisdom has chosen an other group dance because that seems to get the best ratings and the group dynamics are fun to watch.  
The set director is having palpitations just thinking about it.

And the dance is a good old fashioned Bavarian dance with the men in Lederhosen and the women in Dirldn dresses.

The men are given their outfits and of course there is comment.

"I am not wearing any more shorts. No way."

Sig is adamant. And can you blame him. The set director is in total agreement. As far as he is concerned there are no more shorts or crossdressers. But the dresser is also adamant.

"These are not shorts they are lederhosen, and it is traditional so suck it up."

The other men are watching with interest. Because this dresser is armed and dangerous.  
And it seems Sig is buckling down, he is taking the lederhosen and gets ready to change.  
The fact that his brothers and Keith aren't in this dance is helping. No attacks on his legs today.

And as always if one sheep has crossed the fence the others follow.

About forty minutes later Aiden is looking for her partner Jake, because all the others are already waiting behind stage.

So she enters the dressing room and there is Jake, holding a small knife and he is cutting the stitches out of his pants.  
When he hears someone coming in he hides the lederhosen and knife behind is back but to late.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing"

Jake manages to say, turning red up to his roots, doing his very best to look innocent but only managing to look guilty as hell.

"Show me! NOW!"

Jake is fast finding out that those sweet looking Dutch girls are not to be messed with. And he shows the now sabotaged lederhosen.

"I had too. Honest. Sig and the others made it very clear that if I went on and they didn't they would make my live a living hell on board. So I had to lose, and I thought that ripping my pants would work. Only it didn't."

Poor Jake, he sounds so sad and pitiful. And he is looking at Aiden with those big blue beseeching eyes of his. Silently begging her to understand.

"Okay, but what is with the Disney theme?"

"The airline company lost my luggage and I had to buy new things and these boxers where a discount."

That Aiden understands. Saving money is a very Dutch habit.

"And what are you wearing now. Because Belle in her yellow dress was pretty weird."

"blue with red crabs. Really nothing to bad, look?"

"Okay, show me."

So Jake drops his jeans and bend over pulling his boxers into something of a wedgie in order to see the red little crabs on his sky blue undies.  
Aiden moves in closer to get a good look.

"those aren't crabs, it is that annoying lobster from a little mermaid."

"No way, they are crabs."

Jake pulls the undies even more to get a good look.  
And Aiden moves in even more and points a finger to draw the lobster on Jake his behind.  
She is enjoying herself.

"No Look, here are the claws and here is the tail. And like this is….."

All the time getting a good feel. Only now it dawns on Jake that somebody is feeling him up. And he tries to get away, only he nearly falls over the chair in front of him.

At that moment Sig comes looking for his junior member.  
Opening the door his eyes meet a rather strange sight. Jake bending over a chair in his underwear with his dancing partner sniffing his behind, or so it looks. Sig quickly closes the door again. And leans against it with his back.

"I so don't want to know what is going on in there."

But now Jake is screaming for help and begging Sig to come in and save him from Aiden.

So Sig comes in again to find Jake with is jeans pulled up and Aiden rolling around on the floor laughing.

"Please Sig, get her out of here, so I can change. PLEASE?"

Sig decides to help the kid and picks up Aiden throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her out of the room.  
Aiden is still laughing and BOING.

Sig forgot the warn her when he went thru the door. Ouch that must have hurt.

Two minutes later Jake came running up the stage while the others where already dancing. Aiden had been waiting on the side, she was slightly dizzy and a bit nauseas. But the colours where real pretty, all swirling around like this, only the buzzing sound in her left ear was a bit disconcerting.

Sig in the mean time was dancing with Ninja. Jumping around and hitting his upper and lower legs, almost in sink with the music. He was concentrating so hard on getting it right that he completely missed the stealthy approach of a black clad almost Ninja like figure. His ninja dance partner didn't miss it and decided to protect her partner by delivering a well aimed kick.

That resulted in a crying Norman writhing on the floor.

Ninja got attacked by RhondaK who didn't like the fact that her dance partner was being assaulted. And Sig also wasn't happy, it is his brother. He is allowed to kick his ass but nobody else.

Only the other dancers didn't like the girl bashing that was taking place, so they came to the protection of Ninja.

And Ninja took cover behind the biggest thing she saw and that was Phil. What Deana didn't like. So the dance turned into a cat fight/ free fighting tournament until the set director got enough backup with fire extinguishers.

For some strange reason Edgar Hansen was very experienced with the fire hose, and enjoying it way to much. Although nobody understood why he was targeting Jake Anderson and Aiden in particular.

Jake being the gentleman that he is was trying to keep his body between his deck boss and his dance partner. Only when the water hit him in the lower back his lederhosen split completely in two, revealing the blue with red lobster undies.

The cameramen had been waiting for it, and made sure that it was in focus.

Shortly after that the whole set went black. Seemed Edgar managed to drown the fuse box.

The fall out of this group dance was that the last of the pro dancers decided to quit. Ninja was willing to keep going after some pressure by June Hansen on her hubby to go and apologise. And the promise that Sig would practise every other dance in his jeans hot pants. He only insisted to be allowed to dance in the "normal" outfits on camera.

To bad he didn't know that Ninja had managed to become great friends with the dresser.

The next day the organizers where having a emergency meeting again. The fourth or so this show.

Deana was waiting outside and heard the screaming going on inside. When she was asked inside too she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. But she did go in, squaring her shoulders and ready to face what ever they decided to say. It wasn't her fault that Norman had a thing for Sig his legs. And lets be honest that was the start of everything. That Ninja wanted to protect her dance partner was normal. And that She wanted to protect Phil was also very understandable. Right?

Only it wasn't the catfight that the organizers wanted to talk about.

"Hello Deana. Did you he… well he… did you take the time to get more potential dance partners? Maybe? And how soon can they be here?"

Deana was surprised but decided to play it cool.

"Sure. How many do you need?"

The big boss answered that one, ticking them of on his fingers.

"Lets see. We need one for Eddie from the Time Bandit, Crosby and Russel from the Wizard and Murray and Freddie from the Cornelia Marie. For now that is. We might need even more."

He wasn't taking any more risks with his highly temperamental pro dancers. Never mind that the dancing was suffering. Everything was better than those drama queens early in the morning complaining to him about something that one of those fishermen had done.

So they where a bit on the groping side. You could hardly blame them with those girls in the outfits they wear. He would never ever let his daughter go out in front of a camera like that.

Deana promised to have five ladies ready in one or two days tops. She new just who to ask.

The Bandita's who had gone to Las Vegas in April.

And indeed the next day the new dancers where ready to be presented to their groping crab fishers.

Crosby was partnered with Sheri. A petit dark blond lady who seemed to have a cell phone surgically attached to her head talking about her kids health.

While the introductions where taking place, a new disaster was brewing for the organizers, only they didn't know it yet.

A buxom redhead for Eddie. A real classical beauty with the milk white skin than normally goes with a real redhead.

Russel Newberry got Rhonda, or should we say, Rhonda got Russel, because it seemed that she was way more excited about it than him.

Murray got introduced to Lori, now that was going to be interesting to watch, because of the size difference. No dipping or lifts to be expected, unless Murray was the one getting his feet in the air.

And last one was Lynn, an dark blond, fluffy lady who was more than eager to dance with Freddie. And Freddie was honouring his cultural background, he liked something to hold on to.

With the introductions over the organizers expected some peace. Or at least no more disasters until the after the next dance. Only then all the female dancers, the pro's and the volunteers, came barging in demanding Johnathan Hilstrands skin, or other body parts, for breakfast.

It seemed that that guy couldn't be left for five minutes, let alone a whole weekend. All the captains and a few of the deckhands had gotten a few days off for the filming of after the Catch. And clearly Johnathan had put his foot in it again. And the ladies didn't go for it.

The organizers did all they could to calm the dancers. And when that didn't work they just forbade them to take any action against Johnathan.

As if that would work.

Now skip to an hour later and the hotel bar.

Johnathan is trying to get a drink, he needs one after the morning he had.

The bartender puts his glass of royal crown before his nose.

"Thanks"

And an unsuspecting Johnathan takes a big gulp, only to spit it out again immediately. It isn't booze, it is cold tea. By the time Johnathan has recovered and wants to go for the bartender, the bartender is gone and he is facing his dance partner Red Sonja, a small lady but intimidating if she has to. And then he feels more than sees that he is being surrounded by women, the skinny muscular pro dancing type's and the more filled out volunteer dancers.

Johnathan is starting to sweat and his eyes are getting big and shooting from one face to the next. He frantically is searching for a way out, but no way, they are everywhere and none of them is on his side.

"Well mister."

Red Sonja says.

"Now what do you have to say for yourself. Made a mistake right? Well that is what happens when you drink, so no more alcohol for you my boy."

Johnathan is starting to hyperventilate, and is pleading for help or mercy.

But the ladies are adamant.

"We are doing this because we love you, you know that right? Just like parents do when they ground their kids.

We wont go so far as to say that it hurts us more than you, because we like watching you squirm to much."

And with that Jeany and Aiden take Johnathan by the arms and surrounded by the others they walk him to his room.

Sure they all luves him.

While Johnathan is licking his wounds in his hotel room, stuck without anything to drink but water because the ladies took away his fridge, an other disaster is brewing.

Jake Harris has seen a lovely girl hanging around the set for a couple of days now. A petite brunette with big brown eyes and big, well other attractions.

And it seems she has seen him too, and the attraction is mutual. So now after two weeks and a health scare with his dad, and being forced to dance in pink mohair, Jake is feeling brave enough to make his move.

Or should I tell the truth, the girl went and grabbed Jake by the front of his shirt and dragged him into a broom closet.

Only her dad's assistant has seen the two disappear. And daddy dearest isn't very happy. It is the Big Boss who is overly protective of his little darling. Not because he thinks it is at all necessary, but because if he doesn't his ex wife is going to skin him, again.

So the assistant does what he has to do, and goes and warns his Boss about his, lovely, Innocent, little girl.

By the time daddy dearest gets to the broom closet he is fuming and smoke is sprouting from his ears. The door of the closet is pulled open and there is Jake, fighting to keep his virtue and clothes somewhat intact. The girl is worse that a 20 pound octopus, arms and suction cups all over. Or are those hickies? The girl immediately goes into innocent debutant mode, pouting charmingly to her dad. But daddy knows his daughter. So she is escorted from the premises and returned to mommy at the rehab centre by the assistant.

Only Jake's partner is going of in strong hysterics, it seems the silly thing had convinced herself that Jake loved her and only her.

How of why Jake would be falling in love with a thirty something teacher she seems at a loss to explain.

But the end result is, Jake is without a partner. So a new one should be found within two weeks.

Right now the group for this week should be getting dressed.

And the dresser has gone completely over the edge. Finally a real red head with the alabaster skin that goes with it. The other dancers can pick their own dress but for Jeanie the dresser has chosen a very light green dress, long and flowing, with a plunging neckline and spaghetti straps. Just to show of that expanse of perfect skin.

The make up artist is also in raptures about the skin of Jeanie. So soft so white so perfect. And that hair. So straight and red and shiny, a joy to work with.

Then Jeanie comes storming in just before the dancing starts. And AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG.

Both the dresser and the make up artist are starting to hyperventilate. The set director is laughing, sure he also has a problem, but it was the dresser her ideas that made some of his nightmares come true, so this is revenge.

"What, How, WHY. NOOOOOOOOO."

Is all what they both manage to say. And they have reason. Jeanie is bright, well purple, with alabaster tan lines.

Edgar comes by, it is his dance unfortunately enough and even if his eyes are still pretty much closed he does manage to see this.

"That must hurt. Forgot the sunscreen? Want me to hose you down?"

He is always the gentleman willing to help a lady in distress.

It is the make up artist that first gets his voice back.

"Well we will have to spray tan those white marks. And then there is nothing to do but lots of concealer."

Johnathan walking by cant help but laugh,

"Spray tan is orange, she will be striped."

Only he receives the deathraystare from all the women present and he hurriedly makes his way to the male dressing room. They have got him whipped.

Deana has been requested to find a new dance partner for Jake Harris. And that seems to be harder than it looks. So after about 3 fruitless hours on the internet she finds a taker. An other Dutch girl named Mathilda. A tall blond, blue eyed, almost twelve year old. And because the girl is so young her aunty EwaB has agreed to tag along for the ride as chaperon. But they are now on route to the states and wont get in LA until the next dance.

First up is the flamenco dance with the blackeyed crabfishers. Or should I say, Norman and Edgar Hansen, Keith and Monty Coburn, Travis and Crosby from the Wizard, Eddie from the TB, and Freddy, Murray and Josh Harris from the CM. Although not all of them are really sporting black eyes, just the majority.

It is the first dance with the new partners, so once again no dancers can be send away, and that is a good thing.

Because Freddy has a problem, his new partner has a knee problem and cant dance in the high heels and definitely not stamp her feet as is required in the dance. So they have to adjust the dance to a wheelchair dance.

Luckily Freddy is nothing if not resourceful, so he manages to pull it off, he even pimped up the Wheelchair.

Eddie's buxom Redhead, Jeanie, or should I say purple with orange striped partner, does know how to move.

So that looks okay, if you have a black and white TV.

Travis and Crosby are doing pretty well with their partners too. Crosby did have to destroy a cell phone. And Shery refuses to talk to him because of it. But that isn't really problem, because she hasn't said a word to him since the introduction anyway, she has been talking on the phone.

Travis is happy with his new partner, Cathy C. He liked the east German looking powerhouse. But a few more female curves is nice too. He was a bit scared of his pro dance partner, never good if your partner has bigger biceps as you. Or not in his opinion.

Now for the dance, the men look splendid in their black Zorro like costumes. The mask's hiding all the black eyes or other injuries.

The girls look stunning in the flamenco outfits with lots of ruffles and in different colours, but mostly red or yellow. Not everybody's favourite colours but it could be worse.

And worse are the shoes. Those are about two sizes to small. It seems the Spanish sizes are different from the American ones. And the website that the dresser used to calculate the right size didn't really give the right answers.

So all the dancers except Lynn are stumbling thru the dance. The stamping is about as off beat as it can be. And by the end of the dance most of the shoes have gone towards the public by airmail. Express.

The set director isn't sure, either he is getting used to the disasters that are happening during the dancing, or this last group dance was pretty uneventful, he didn't have to hyperventilate.

Nobody got seriously hurt by the flying shoes. Only Edgar's partner got one in the face, and now has a broken nose. But that isn't the set directors problem. And her bleeding wasn't even on the air because the camera men where looking for Jake Anderson his ripping pants. Only no Jake Anderson in this dance so no ripping pants. So finding a new partner for Edgar Hansen is the big boss his disaster. He now has to find yet an other dance partner.

And that after all the hassle of finding a new partner for Jake Harris.

Only the big boss is in luck the next morning.

Mathilda and her chaperon are arriving from the Netherlands. And while Jake Harris starts to hyperventilate when he sees Mathilda, Edgar, at first sight, is pretty pleased with the chaperon . Or so he thinks.

The big boss does the introduction.

Jake this is Mathilda, she will be dancing with you.

Mathilda is a lovely girl, long blond hair, big blue eyes, a tiny nose with a tendency to turn up, and a big smiling mouth, only when she laughs she shows braces. She also is almost but not quite 12 years old, and a little under six feet tall. Not fluffy but also not skinny, and she doenst speak a word of English.

And Edgar this is Ewa, she will be dancing with you.

"No"

Is all Ewa has to says to that.

"What do you mean NO."

The big boss is turning red around the gills, this has never happened before. All the other ladies where glad to meet their partners.

"Well, I mean NO. I am not here to dance, I am here to play dragon for my niece, to make sure these here crab fishermen don't cross any line. She is just 11 you know, jail bait, and I am here as protection more for those guys than for her."

"Please would you reconsider, Edgar isn't such a bad one to dance with, and Jake is pretty harmless."

The big boss is not beyond begging or twisting the truth a little, or even a lot. And Jake is harmless, as long as his daughter isn't anywhere near, he couldn't care less about the daughters of anybody else.

"Oh, You want me to dance with Blondie? That I might do."

"Blondie? I'm afraid you have the wrong Hansen brother in mind. Edgar is the youngest one, brown eyes and dark hair."

The big boss is starting to doubt this woman's sanity.

"Yeah I know that, but he is referred to as the golden retriever puppy, because he is so generally likable. And golden retrievers are blond."

"Hello still in the same room here."

Edgar just had to speak up, but they both ignore him anyway and he is starting to not like this Ewa. Because she might look okay, and her English might not be perfect, but she is sharp of tongue. Even with the charming accent that makes almost everything she says sound cute, if you think about it, it is pretty damaging. Sig seems like a cute and cuddly kitten compared to her.

Jake is deciding to wear a cup while practising, he knows he isn't going to get away with it during the official dance. The dresser is going to make sure of that. His only hope is that Edgar stays in the other group.

Edgar is slowly coming to the same conclusion.

So it isn't to surprising that both Jake as Edgar are a bit scared of this Ewa. But they are stuck with her.

For a whole week they are dancing, the four of them together in one of the practise studio's, sure Edgar and Ewa don't have to dance this week, but she refuses to loose sight of Mathilda for even a second.

The next dance is the Cha cha cha. And the dancers are the Harris boys, including Jake with his new partner.

Monty and Keith. Sig and Norman Hansen, Lenny, Freddy and Eddie, and the poor Jake Anderson, so the camera men are taking bets on who would be the one to get the best shot of his undies. And the whole crew is taking bets on what Disney figure it is going to be this time.

It seems Tinkerbell is scoring pretty good, as is the big ape from jungle book. One of the organizers put a big sum of money on Buzz Lightyear or something, and nobody is telling him that that isn't a Disney figure.

Phil is up first again, with the lovely Deana. When they come on stage it is clear that the dresser went for tight again. For the males at least. Deana looks good in the little red dress, but Phil looks like a overstuffed sausage in a black leotard. But the dancing goes just fine.

Sig is dancing with Ninja. And again, very tight black outfit. Ninja in a purple dress, not really her colour but she can pull it off.

Jake Harris looks good in his black outfit. With his shirt open showing his taut and smooth chest and belly. Mathilda lovely in light blue, a perfect match for her eyes. And the dancing goes amazing. Jake even does a perfect dip. Only downside, he is the one being dipped. But at least Mathida holds on to him and doesn't let him bump his head.

Josh is smoking again, as is his partner. One of the last pro dancers. Not surprising that they are the winners.

The others are doing nicely as well, but to describe them all would become boring.

And last up is Jake Anderson with Aiden, or Tamara as the rest of the world seems to call her.

The dancing goes great. They twirl and shake all the right body parts. And in the last dip SCHRAACHS Jake rips his pants…... again.

And the Tinkerbell supporters win. And it is camera 3 that has the best shot.

Lots of little Tinkerbells on a very light green background. And no Peter Pan in sight.

Jake is by now so used to it he doesn't drop Aiden on the ground.

And the set director is definitely getting used to it too, because he forgets to hyperventilate. He just flips the switch at the fuse box's and everything goes dark instantly.

After scrambling in the dark for a bit, what has a few extra bruises as result, all the dancers find the dressing rooms.

They even manage to split up in the right way. The men into the male dressing room and the ladies to the ladies.

The men are done really fast, and after about thirty minutes they are on their way out and heading for the bar. Johnathan taking advantage off the situation to tag along, and he waists no time ordering a double shot of his favourite Whiskey.

Only he is out of luck, it seems Red Sonja was present to watch the dancing to, and by the time his Whiskey reaches him it has been replaced by cold tea.

"Bleh blah acrhh, yuck, what is this stuff?"

Johnathan is spluttering, and spitting, looking at his glass as if it is going to bite him. He just doesn't understand, there are no women present, why did his drink transmutate into this weird stuff. The other guys are just laughing and enjoying their own drink of choice, and that in general isn't cold tea.

Then Johnathan sees Red Sonja and he tries to make a save.

"Hey bartender you brought me the wrong drink, I wanted hé………. Hú…….. Milk, yeah that's is, I wanted Milk."

The bartender is having a hard time to keep his face in shape. But he prepares a nice big glass of ice cold Milk for mister Hillstrand.

The only guy in the mean time taking his time in the shower is Jake Anderson. And while he is washing his hair he hears singing coming from the shower on the other side. He cant see the ladies but he can hear them alright. And the singing is good. And he is looking for a singer for his band in the making.

So Jake hurriedly dries off, gets dressed and stands in waiting at the ladies dressing room to find out who the singer is.

The first women out are the dragon Ewa and Mathilda.

"Hey, you two are new right?"

for some strange reason Ewa seems to like Jake Anderson, must be the big blue eyes. And the Tinkerbell undies, or maybe the fact that Aiden is pretty vocal in her claims.

"Yes, I am Ewa and this is my niece Mathilda. How do you do?"

"Just fine, but who is the one singing?"

"That is Tamara, or Aiden. She sings in a band back home."

The grin on Jake his face is ridiculous, but contagious too. Both Mathilda and Ewa are grinning back like a bunch of idiots. And that stays that way until all the ladies are out and grinning along. Most not even understanding what is so funny, but hey. Grinning is always good.

The Quadrile

After the last somewhat tame dancing session the Big Boss decided that he needed to spice things up a little bit.

Because viewers ratings where down now there was no bloodshed, only Jake Anderson's undies got any reruns and You Tube time that was worth mentioning. So he decides to go for a group dance again. Those always seem like fun, and pull in the viewers, the old saying that sexs sells is true, but violence and bloodshed sell too. And isn't there a song about blood on the dance floor? This was supposed to be a 'normal' dancing with the stars but since it deteriorated into a three stooges like slapstick contest with almost no pro dancers left, the Big Boss is going for Drama and Sensation.

And what better way to do that than with an old-fashioned group dance. And he landed on the Quadrile. A pretty complicated dance with lots of different steps and movements and partner changes. And most important of all, no physical contact. Lets see if the crab fishermen can pull that off.

To make it even more fun, he hasn't told the dancers that it is going to be a group dance, so they are all practicing as pairs. Except of course Mathilda, Jake Harris, EwaB and Edgar. Those four are practicing together and the two men are not to pleased about that. But with protective gear they feel relatively save.

The week of training passes quickly with no real problems. Okay Red Sonja has to keep an eye on Johnathan, but he is learning to behave and actually like cold tea, not Ice tea with lots of sugar, no cold tea that used to be hot tea. Very different thing, trust me.

Jeannie is slowly getting a normal color again, she is just peeling and Eddie from the Time Bandit is enjoying it, because it itches and she is begging him to scratch and pull the peels of off her. So he gets nearly unlimited access to all that skin. Nope Eddie isn't complaining one bit.

Then the big night comes and the men go to the dresser. And get the shock of a lifetime. It they thought the lederhosen where bad. This is even worse, skin tight breeces that go just below the knee, in beige or soft yellow, and long white stockings underneath, not to mention the shoes. High heels and big silvery buckles?

Sig has learned the last time and he isn't the one complaining. This time Phil and Keith are the most vocal in their condemnation.

Jake Anderson just got his breeches and went away for a bit. To do his own kind of maintenance.

All bets are on by the way by the camera men and the rest of the crew. This time the big winner is again the big monkey from junglebook and Bambi.

After some shouting and cursing, a lot of cursing by the way, all the men are dressed in their breeches and stockings, with nice flowery waistcoats and the dresses taking stock.

"Okay, everyone, Lose the underwear, it shines thru and that is not an option."

"What, No way."

Is the general reaction. With some more strong language of course. And the men refuse, or they try to. The really do. Honest.

But they lose the underwear of course. Even poor Jake Anderson, who now is starting to really worry. Seems like all bets are off about his undies, but the winner for the best shot well that one is sky rocketing.

Luckily enough for him Aiden comes to the rescue, she has found Sig his stapler and offers to staple his breeches for extra support, might not be very comfortable, staples in that spot, but at least he will be able to bend without making the show PG 17.

At pretty much the same time in the ladies dressing room things aren't much better, the dresses are pretty in the regency style, but also pretty revealing. Soft flowing silk dresses in pale colors, pink and white for the younger girls taken in just beneath the breast and little puff sleeves showing lots of arm and cleavage, with little extra things. Purple, moss green, blue or a reddish brown for the older ladies, and those with lots of lace, ribbons, buttons and bows. Also taken in just below the breasts and the boobs, well they are sort of covered as long as you make no sudden movements. And the dance is without any sudden movements. Or supposed to be, but the ladies are getting to know how these dances go, and especially the ladies with a slightly more fluffy build are starting to worry, but they keep quiet, they are scared of the dresser.

The only one not scared, probably because the needle sharp tongue of the dresser has no effect on her, is Ewa. She goes for a simple test.

Bending forwards and getting back up again. OEPS. She has to do some serious readjusting.

"Looks like I'll be needing some double sided sticky tape, because this isn't working?"

Well no that is clear, the show would be X rated within seconds. So the dresser gets a roll of double sided sticky tape and gives it to Ewa.

Than the dresser has to leave, going back to the guys to supervise their wardrobe.

Ewa is soon done with the sticky tape and holds up the roll and asks the obvious and long expected question.

"Anybody else need some of this?"

When all the other ladies start stampeding her way she just throws the roll in their direction and seeks refuge behind one of the benches.

At that moment all hell breaks loose on the other side of the shower wall, it are the guys who get to hear that they are supposed to lose their underwear. All struggle among the ladies is forgotten and they all bunch into the shower space to enjoy a 'radio'hear play that is better than that fifty's ( or even older) 'The war of the worlds' one by that Orwell guy.

And the roll of sticky tape is shared in a sisterly fashion.

Looks like the director will be able to survive this dance without hyperventilating too.

Or is he?

Aiden hearing the commotion and realizing that Jake would have doctored his pants runs from the Ladies dressing room with her dress hitched high above her knees. Luckily the tape is holding. She makes her way to the back of the toilets and looks for Sig his stapler and finds it behind some dumpsters. To bad that there weren't any camera's in that alley, now the only one enjoying that show of a lady dressed in a silk soft pink regency style dress clawing her way around trashcans and dumpsters was the local drunk.

But she found the stapler and is waiting at the door of the men's dressing room when it is time to get to the stage.

She stinks and her dress is stained beyond saving but she can 'save' Poor Jake Anderson from revealing something she expects him to want to keep hidden. She could be wrong of course.

Part 24.

Jake Anderson is a brave man, he allows Aiden to staple is breeches while he is wearing it. But than he didn't have much choice. The camera men where almost taking bets that he wouldn't show at all because of the fear of ripping his pants again.

But they make it just in time to take their places in the dance. And the dance goes of well. For a change. Nobody gets hurt. No bloodshed, no broken bones not even a ripping pair of trousers on Jake. The cameramen are disappointed. The dresser is disappointed. Most of the women watching are disappointed.

But most of the female dancers are glad. And the guys are pretty happy too.

Sig is giving a big shy from relieve, and he gives his partner Ninja crab a friendly pat on the back, only his friendly pats are just a bit to much. She stumbles and holds on to the only thing she can get hold of. And that are his knees. His white stockings slide down revealing his soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs. And those have their inevitable effect on Norman. Who finally has almost normal looking eyes by now. Norman starts forwards in a trance like state. His partner the lovely lady RhondaK grabs Norman by the tail of his coat. That manages to slow Norman down a bit, only he somehow manages to shrug of his coat and goes for Sig is soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs. By know Sig knows what is coming and he is ready to 'convince' his little brother that it is a bad idea.

The lovely Lady RhondaK starts to panic, she doesn't want her partner to suffer anymore. At that moment all the female dancers take RhondaK her side and to keep Norman from being knock down by his brother again they from a barrier around Sig and his soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs. To keep Norman away and save.

Finding all these women opposed him Norman snaps back into his normal shy personality, and he apologizes.

The dancers turn to face the Judge's to hear how they did this time. Only there are no judge's, they are on strike because they cant send any dancers away. The only way a dancer gets eliminated is if he is to injured to continue. Or in case of the ladies if they don't want to dance any more. And then this annoying big boss just finds a new female. Not that they would ever call those women dancers.

Silence rules for a few seconds. And the set director suddenly realizes that he now has over 30 minutes of show to fill with nothing to fill it with. Hyperventilation sets in again, pure panic, and he is considering emigrating to Vanatua.

The dancers, both male and female just look at each other and then at the band. Somebody, they never did find out who, asks the band to strike up a mambo. Once those tropical beats hit the dance floor the ladies start the ultimate dance of seduction, and the men follow willingly.

The thirty minutes are to short as far as the guys are concerned, but once again it is getting a bit to steamy. This time it isn't the set director that pulls the plug but Ewa the dragon who feels that Jake Harris is getting just a bit to free with her Niece.

No blood but some medical attention will be necessary.

After staying a night in the local hospital for observation Jake Harris is released, it is just a slight concussion and not a subdural hematoma. But it is clear that bouncing his head while falling down a six feet stage isn't conductive to his health.

With Jake Harris back at the studio the Big Boss gets going with his meeting. It seems that after the last few bad dances he now decided to try the democratic approach. The guys are to say what dance they want to do. First silence rules than a shy Eddie speaks up.

Now that is a new one, Eddie shy? But he certainly isn't speaking very loud, but since he is the only one it is clearly heard.

"I was thinking, maybe that dance from dirty dancing, with the hand going down her side."

And even softer.

"just a thought?"

But the Big Boss and the choreographer have heard and they like the idea. There might just be one drawback. The lift at the end of the dance.

So the choreographer just asks.

"So who is going to be lifting who."

And at that a shouting match breaks lose. And within seconds the men are on one side of the room and the women on the other one. Pointing at each other and still shouting. The choreographer is shocked and doesn't know what to do. But the Big Boss goes for a piercing whistle, and that gets everybody's attention again.

"Okay listen up, the ones doing the lifting go to my left. The ones who want to be lifted go to my right, the ones refusing lifts in any way get in front of me."

The ladies all just stand there with their arms crossed in front of them, waiting for the men to make a move.

First up is Eddie, he is going for the lift, he is strong and the idea of almost unlimited access to all that soft, alabaster skin smelling of white jasmine and aloe is to tempting to pass up, and even if they do crash, he can think of worse ways to die.

The next one to move is Johnathan, he is going for the I will be lifted circle to the right. And it is logical thinking for a change. He is pretty sure he can lift Red Sonja, but keeping her up and over his head is going to be hard, especially since he isn't allowed to use anything as 'Handle'. And with her lifting him, well if he falls it will be for just a short distance and on a soft place.

Red Sonja just hufs and gets to the I will be lifting circle, to the hilarity of all the others.

Andy moves to the same circle as Eddie and Sonja. Johnathan cant help but taunt him.

"Hey Bro, don't you have a back problem?"

And Andy gives the expected answer.

"Sure bro, my back is out of wack, but my brains aint. Look at what I have to lift."

And that with a head motion to his dance partner. And yeah Andy is one of the last few still dancing with a skinny pro.

The other fishermen still coupled to pro dancers also head for the group on the left.

Jake Harris takes a good look at his partner, the lovely if rather tall Mathilde and he decides to go for the being lifted group. Sure if he falls it will be six feet again, but everything is better than having to defend himself against the dragon aunty EwaB.

That seems to be the signal Edgar was waiting for, he heads for the being lifted group too, only to be called back by the dragon.

"No Way mate, get your skinny ass into the no lifting group, if you think I am going to catch you if you come running my way think again."

So Edgar does a b line and goes for the middle. He is still all alone in there. But soon most of the other dancers join in.

The Big Boss is actually quite happy with the outcome. The pro dancers are going for the lifts. And the not pro's for the boring dance. Finally a reason to get ride of some of the trouble makers like Norman, Sig, Jake Anderson or Johnathan.

Only then he makes a big mistake. He says where the training will be taking place.

"Okay, the ones doing lifts get ready to go to the pool, the others stick around and go for the normal studios."

The ladies look at each other and the first one to move is the lovely lady RhondaK. The idea of Norman in a swimming Pool together with Sig is enough to make her take the risk. And apparently Ninja is thinking the same thing. Both make it to the I will be lifting group on the left.

Leaving Sig and Norman no other option than to go to the right. Sig is seriously thinking about going to the same salon as Jake Harris had, and getting a wax job done on his legs.

And the two brothers leaving is the signal for the rest of the group. Almost all the ladies head for the I will be lifted group on the right.

The aunty dragon heads for her niece to the left. And the Big Boss is on the phone getting two swimming pools, because no way is he going to let Sig and Norman get together in one pool, so one on the south side of LA and one on the north. Never mind that both are over an hour away from the studios.

The next day a very nervous group of male crabbers is standing around two pools wearing robes and wondering what the hell they have gotten themselves into.

The ladies are already in the water and enjoying themselves, some in almost burkini's, swimsuits and a few bikini's.

How are they control themselves like this? With all that female beauty on display before them.

The trainer arrives and tells the guys to unrobed and get into the water.

Most do, and to Ninja's delight Sig still has his soft shiny highly stroke-able curly golden leg hairs and is not ashamed to show them off. But Edgar and Jake Anderson are having second doubts.

Both thought it was a good idea when they bought their swimware only now they are not to sure anymore. The trainer walks up and grabs Edgar's robe and pulls it off. Now he is revealed in his full splendor of a bright orange Borat Mankini.

His colleagues are watching with open mouths, and the ladies. Well, lets say the term ladies isn't the one Edgar would use at the moment. Because the wolf whistles aren't from the air, and he is starting to feel like a mouse in a cat convention.

The trainer clearly isn't paying attention or he really doesn't care because he is already pulling on Jake Andersons robe as well. It comes off of course and there is Jake showing his latest Disney acquisition. Soft pink with Minnie Mouse on the front and just a tad on the tight side.

More wolf whistles erupt.

The trainer pushes Jake into the pool, and anybody who ever made the mistake of wearing a light colored bikini or swimsuit knows what happens when you get it wet. By the time Jake surfaces there isn't much left to the imagination, and Jake clearly doesn't like it. He is so bright red that he is clashing with his swimming trunks.

Aidentamara is going in for the rescue, but there isn't much she can do for him, its not like she can take off her own clothes to cover him up.

Then aunty dragon decides that enough is enough. Ewa is refusing to lift a guy in an orange mankini, and Jake needs some clothing advise as well.

So taking Aiden and Jake by the elbow she nearly drags them out of the water. Once on dry land she crabs Edgar and steers the men towards the dressing room, Aiden follows, and the four of them go for a shopping expedition.

Little over a hour later the four of them show up again. And this time the men are in very conservative dark blue speedo's with a white trim.

And it doesn't look like they missed much. Okay there is water everywhere, and the trainer looks like he wants to drown about every body. But no bruises or blood anywhere and most of the dancers seem to still be trying to cooperate with their partners.

After practise Aidentamara got changed and when back to the hotel where everybody is staying. She had bought something for Jake when he and Edgar were buying swimwear. EwaB was paying so much attention to Edgar that she could escape her watching eyes for a couple of minutes, she had bought some disney boxers for Jake. They were to cool to resist, she had 4 black boxers with Mickey on it dressed like one of the guys from man in black, Goofy dressed like James Dean, Donald dressed up as a bad ass pirate and a black one that had that little dragon from Mulan on it. It was pretty cool because when you turned in to see the back part it only had a little tail on it. If Jake would ripped out of his pants when he was dressed up all in his black Patrick Swazye outfit you would see only a red tail. She asked the keys of Jake's room and dropped the little bag on his bed with a card saying: I like these Disney characters more, so dropped the Pink Mini Mouse

He was a bit late getting to his room, his roommate was already taking a shower. Seeing the little bag and card with a Big J on it he opened the bag and shook out the black boxers. They where nice. Not really his style, but hey, he never yet turned down a gift.

Reading the card he got a bit confused. What Pink Mini Mouse?

The shower stopped and shortly after his roommate entered the room with a with towel wrapped around his hips.

"Hey Bro, whats up?"

Holding up the boxers and the card Josh said.

"Not really sure, why would Aiden be buying underwear for me? And whats with Pink Mini Mouse?"

Jake Harris grinned.

"Yeah I forgot, you where in the other pool with Norman. You should have seen it. Jake Anderson was wearing a tiny pink Minnie Mouse swimming trunk, and it got wet. Believe me you never want to wear light pink swimming trunks if your really expecting to get wet.

And Edgar was even worse. Don't think I will ever get that image from my mind.

But what do you have there?"

"Well I think Aiden broke into the wrong room, because she left her gift for Jake on my bed. What do you think, do I give them to Jake or keep them myself?"

"Let my see."

Jake was enjoying himself a bit to much. The constant embarrassment of his namesake was fun to him.

But after some careful consideration the two Harris boys decided that Jake Anderson had been thru enough and they left for the room next door to give Jake his black boxers, all four of them, and without tampering with them first.

Who says these boys cant be nice.

After knocking on the door for a while Edgar opened. He was Jake's roommate.

The Harris boys gave Edgar the little bag and card, because Jake was outside for a smoke.

"Whats this?"

"A gift that got delivered at the wrong room, its for Jake. I think Aiden got annoyed with Jake's choice of undergarments."

Josh responded and all three understood where Aiden was coming from.

"Thanks I'll give them to him. And make sure he wears one of them during the next dance."

Now Jake Harris just had to butt in a bit.

"Will you be wearing the orange thingy again tomorrow?"

"Cant, the dragon threw it away. And I am not really sad about that, because that thing was very uncomfortable, don't understand why woman where strings or thongs anyway. But good night guys, I need my beauty sleep."

The other day in the other pool things going well, it was the pool with more of the pro dancers. So lots of skin showing and men thinking about extra boxer shorts for over their speedo's. Or even cut of jeans, because you can expect only so much self control right, and some body parts just have a mind of their own.

Only the trainer wouldn't allow it. Saying that it would contaminate the water. So the guys kept running of for a restroom visit during the first hours. After that it seemed to go a lot better.

The pro dancers in the mean time where getting bored. Why on earth would they have to practice in a pool, they knew how to do a lift. And that feeling stayed until Josh his partner went down for the umpth time and started to appreciate the fact that water isn't so hard.

Norman was doing fine now Sig's soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs aren't anywhere in sight, and he managed to keep the lovely lady RhondaK above his head for almost 30 seconds. Now if only he could get the dismount right. Because dropping her on her head wouldn't go down so well on stage.

Andy and his partner where doing pretty well also. His brother wasn't because Red Sonja could only lift him in pretty shallow water, so he had hit his head a couple of time and was sporting some pretty impressive eggs on his head. But as long as he was somewhat coherent in his speech the trainer refused to let him leave the pool.

Freddy was moving in the water with Lynn and because of the water she could move around freely, not having any problems with her knees. They weren't going to do any kind of lifts but just practising the turns and steps.

Eddie was enjoying himself, sure he was spending more time underwater than above it. But as he said before, there are worse ways to die than by drowning under his buxom redhead Jeany.

Crosby was actually able to have some sort of conversation with is partner Sheri, because no phones allowed in the pool. Since he didn't make that rule this time it wasn't his fault and she managed to be somewhat sociable. Only down side, the talk was still only about the kids. And as most men he wasn't all that interested in the kids of somebody else. But he tried to make the right sounds on the right moments indicating attention.

The other pool things where pretty much the same.

Jake Anderson was again wearing his conservative dark blue with white stripe speedo's, as was Edgar.

Sig's legs where save and Ninja was happy that the soft, shiny, highly stroke-able, curly, golden, hairs where still in place. With Norman on the other side of town, Sig felt save enough to not get a wax job.

Jake Harris was being lifted by Mathilda and even making a graceful and not painful descend ending on his feet.

He was actually the only one in the pool to already have reached that level.

Ewa was still stepping to the side when ever Edgar came running up to be lifted. And Edgar was getting a rather red belly from hitting the water on his belly all the time. So the trainer decided they where going to change roles. Something Ewa wasn't happy about because she knew that now it was going to be her to take the nose dives.

Phil was just enjoying the view of his youngest son being in held in the air by a twelve year old. He and Deana decided that lifting was for the youngsters and they also where just practicing the steps and enjoying the water.

Travis and Russel where now also trying to do lifts, the first day they had spend showing off and comparing Tattoos and scars. With the constant admiration of Rhonda and Cathy C, who where comparing notes on other body parts as well.

EwaB really wasn't to impressed with the fact that she had to do the jumping this time.

Totally expecting Edgar to just step aside she got ready for her run, and instead of jumping she more or less dove in order to keep her from doing a bellyflop.

Only Edgar didn't step aside. The collision was unavoidable. And both went down.

Edgar gaging from the impact and Ewa giggling like a little girl. Even if she nearly dislocated her shoulder.

At the same moment Mathilda was holding Jake Harris over her head. Hearing all the commotion she turned around to see what was going on. Jake started to lose his balance and he made a very nice summersault into the water. That would have been it if only he hadn't lost the string in his swim shorts.

As Jake surfaced he started screaming and cursing at Mathilda and threatening her into giving him his shorts back.

If he had asked politely he would have gotten them but she is only twelve and she froze from shock. Holding his shorts well over her head, where he couldn't reach them even if he tried, and Jake was just a bit to aware of his state on undress to try that.

While Jake was cursing, Ewa turned around and saw him 'attacking' her niece.

So the dragon awoke with a vengeance. She made her way to him also screaming. Jake decided to play it save and he ran for his live. To the enjoyment of all the others in the pool.

As soon as Jake fled the dragon turned into the overly protective aunty again, and Ewa turned to her niece.

"You okay?"

Mathilda was standing there, still with Jake's shorts in her hands and tears streaming down her cheeks, sniffling and using the shorts to blow her nose.

After a bit she nodded that she was fine and gave the shorts to Ewa to get them back to Jake. Mathilda didn't have the guts to do it herself.

The dragon realized that she had overreacted a bit again. And she went to apologize to Jake.

Knocking on the door she heard a lot of shuffling on the other side.

"Jake, are you decent?"

All sounds stopped and just for a few seconds Ewa thought that the boy would chicken out, pretending he wasn't there.

"Yeah, What do you want."

Nope, he didn't chicken out and sounded ready for round two. Or was is round four by now?

"I come to apologize and give you these back."

Ewa opened the door to the male dressing room and stuck her hand holding the shorts inside.

"I didn't know that Mathilda started it this time. But even so, don't scream and curse at the girl, she panics if you do that."

"Yeah I noticed."

Jake sounded a lot closer by now, and Ewa felt how the shorts where torn from her hand. She quickly removed her arm and the door closed with a bang.

At the same time in the other swimming pool things where going great. All the dancers that wanted to do lifts where doing great, except from Johnathan and red Sonja.

So the trainer dismissed all the others and spend some extra time with those two.

Only the very next lift went dreadfully wrong and John wasn't all that coherent anymore.

The trainer send red Sonja to get dressed and concentrated on John.

After finding out he did still know his own name, the date and where his nose was with his eyes closed the trainer dismissed Johnathan too.

Johnathan made his wobbly way to the dressing room.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA.

Wrong room, Johnathans eyes nearly popped out of his head, he turned as fast as he could trying to get out again. Only he wasn't to stable on his legs with all the bumps he had on his head.

And then one of the pro dancers threw her shoe at him. A nice big chunky wooden platform shoe.

It hit him square at the back of his head. He lost balance and tipped forwards smashing his face into the doorframe. Slowly he slid down the doorframe, his nose in a most painful position.

Johnathan was out for the count.

Johnathan : 0 Ladies :2.

The next day was a rest day, to recover from the injuries sustained during practice.

Johnathan was still in hospital with a slight concussion, but in general doing just fine, the doctors expected a full recovery within two days.

Most of the men decided to take time for some much needed sleep, food and smokes. The ladies had other plans. A free day in the beautiful city of Los Angeles, they where not going to sleep that away.

During breakfast only the younger crabbers where making an appearance. And they decided to spread out over the different tables talking to all the ladies.

Josh Harris made the mistake to sit at the table with the Dutchies. He didn't understand a word of what they where saying, but just the looks between Tamara and Ewa where enough to make him blush. Even if he was pretty sure it wasn't to bad, since Mathilde was allowed to stay and listen.

If the girls had really gone into gossip overdrive they would send the baby away, right?

How wrong can a boy be?

After breakfast Red Sonja, Deana and RhondaK decided that Mathilda needed a make over. So they 'stole' Phil Harris his credit card and took the girl shopping, and to a hairdresser and beautician, pedicure, manicure the whole nine yards.

EwaB, AidenTamara, Rhonda, Lynn, Lori, Jessewalla and Cathy C just went shopping and stargazing. You know the Hollywood tour.

Sheri spend the day attached to her phone talking to her kids and husband.

When all the ladies met up again for dinner EwaB was in for a shock. Her sweet little, okay not so little, niece was transformed into a knockout,

And she wasn't the only one in shock. The way Jake Harris looked at Mathilda made Ewa go in to dragon overdrive within seconds. And the other guys just watched and talked about take out bet's about who would be the winner in that confrontation. Only when it came to the put your money where your mouth is the betting stopped, no fun gambling on a certainty. Even Phil knew that his son would be the loser in the coming rounds.

To bad, because they didn't count on the black horse in this one. The only winner was Mathilda.

Jake lost double duty when Phil found out that it had been his credit card. And that while the boy had nothing to do with the theft of said credit card.

The last day of practise before the show went as expected, if you where expecting the unpredictable.

They where all in the pool again.

Jake had forgotten to get a string in the waist of his swim shorts and after a few good lifts Mathilda lost her grip again and he managed to do a nice summersault out of his shorts again.

He had learned from the last time that screaming and cursing did no good so he tried a different approach. Only that one backfired as well. By the time he was up and ready to start pleading and begging Mathilda had left the water still holding his shorts.

The trainer seeing Mathilda and Jake's problem, again, was screaming at the girl to give him the shorts. So she did, getting out of the water and bringing them over to him.

Jake was by now so annoyed that he decided to just forget all about it. He also got out of the water and walked the walk of shame to the dressing room.

Only shame? The ladies watching where behaving more like a construction crew. The catcalls, whistles and shake it baby shake it, comments where not from the air.

Phil saw his dancing partner also leering at his son and he decided he would be damned to be upstaged by his youngest. So Phil also threw his swimwear at the trainer, got out of the pool and walked in a slow pace with head held high to the dressing room.

The other crabbers observed and as said before the guys where slightly competitive. So Sig as an other captain just couldn't stay behind.

His swimwear also flew towards the trainer and he left the water.

Well what Sig can do Edgar has to do also. And ones Edgar does it, Jake Anderson does it too. The young male also thinking that he had nothing left to expose that hadn't been seen before.

With all the Northwestern crewmen walking out naked, the other boats had to follow.

Leaving the ladies with enormous grins on their faces and the trainer stunned by the sight of that much beautiful male perfection.

The show itself was less impressive. The jury still refusing to do their job and the ratings down. Even Jake Anderson's ripping pants where far from impressive with just plain black undies with a little red dragon tail on it. How boring. The stakes had been high on it being the fairy godmothers from Cinderella, or Cinderella herself in her blue ball gown.

So the day after the show the Big Boss is sitting at home watching the rerun and holding the ratings in his hand. To bad but this show will have to be cancelled.

Talking about it to his assistant Bob he is just brainstorming about what next?

"How about Deadliest Catch the Musical?"

Is Bob his suggestion.

"And how are we going to pull that one off, these guys have to go back to Alaska and I don't think any of them can sing."

"So we charter a boat of our own and get a nice crew on board. I read somewhere that a lot of these ladies like Sam Elliot, so he as the captain. Zack Efron as the greenhorn? Orlando Bloom as deckhand?"

Big Boss is starting to smile and a dreamy look takes over, his mind is miles away.

"Yeah, I like the way you are thinking."

The End.


End file.
